Seeing Black Swan made me long for a Darren Aronofsky helmed Joker movie, starring Heath Ledger and Natalie Portman as Harlequin. I’m going to take Heath Ledgers death as a slight against me personally, because seriously, how cool would that have been? Love him or hate him, Aronofsky knows how to capture “crazy” on celluloid and that isn’t the easiest thing in the world to do. Example: Ellen Burstyn in Requiem for a Dream, Natalie Portman in this particular swan feature and to a possibly a greater extent, Marisa Tomei in The Wrestler. Aronofsky made me believe that someone as hot as Marisa Tomei wanted to have sex with Mickey Rourke. The only explanation for that is pure, uncut crazy.
But enough about Aronofsky’s crazy skills and moving on to his crazy film. Seeing Black Swan as late as I did didn’t really afford me the opportunity to go into it with a blank slate. Of course I had heard about the little lesbian scene (in fact, I had watched that particular scene already – thanks internet!), I knew it was about a ballet dancer descending into madness and I knew that is was supposed to be a horror/thriller type thing.
Sadly, the lesbian scene isn’t all that hot. Don’t get me wrong, Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman are both very attractive but in these modern times, I can only get so excited about two could kissing with their bras still on. (Fuck you, Internet.) Yes they kissed. Yes Mila went down on Natalie, but not in a graphic way. In a nice way. In a way that was almost adorable. In a way that made me think, “Hey, good for you. You gals really got something going on here. I’m going to go watch SportsCenter.” You know, in that kind of way.
But this is not a horror movie. It just isn’t. Just because a movie is dark and an occasional murder occurs, doesn’t automatically make it a horror film. Or even a thriller. Sure, there were “thrilling” moments, but the movie itself doesn’t aim to keep you on the edge of your seat. I think it aims to tell an entertaining and crazy story about a ballet, which I am pretty sure, is a notch or two above trying to scale Mount Suribachi with nothing but toothpicks and floss on the “List of Difficult Shit That Seems Hard To Do.” Seriously, I’d rather have to fight an evil version of the self-aware taxi from Who Framed Roger Rabbit, than ever attempt to make a movie about ballet. Even if it was crazy ballet.
Ok, so we know it isn’t a horror movie and it is pretty far from being softcore porn, so what it is? It is most definitely self aware. I can very easily picture Aronofsky sitting down with Natalie and Mila and saying, “Listen, you are both very hot ladies and I want to put you in my crazy movie about ballet. And when I say crazy, it is going to be crazy. I’m talking melodrama. I’m talking about a mother on par with Mommy Dearest. I’m talking transmogrification.” And they agreed and boarded the crazy train for Looneytown.
But is it really that crazy? First of all, it is phenomenally shot. The backstage areas are beautifully creepy and the rest of the movie is sparse and full of ambiance created by lack of clutter, which causes certain things like the multitude of really awful paintings of Natalie Portman that her mother has in her room to really stick out. Aronofsky did a really good job of showcasing “crazy” in a picture frame made of “normal.” This serves to highlight the crazy. If everything is crazy, then nothing is (The More You Know… ). But for all the crazy that occurs, it all seems to make perfect sense. The dialogue is sharp and at no point does any character say or do anything that is out of the norm for the character. The words coming out of Natalie Portman’s mouth are things that any sane person would say; it’s the images in her head that are nuttier than squirrel shit. The film is very deliberate in its crazy in a way that an experimental film school movie isn’t. It takes the audience on a journey instead of running off ahead of them and making them play catch-up. There is no murder to solve nor is it a “whodunit.” For the kind of movie it is, it is more experience and less work.
So for my money, the film works. In fact, it could have gone a little crazier. It was probably a bit restrained in its crazy. But Mila Kunis is great in it and she’s funny. Also, it was great to see Winona Ryder again. I’d say that she kinda steals the movie, but I don’t want to violate her parole.
Black Swan
Directed by Darren Aronosky
Written By Mark Heyman, Andrés Heinz and John McLaughlin.
Starring Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis, Vincent Cassel, Barbara Hershey and Winona Ryder.
